Nowhere Quickly

It’s Sunday afternoon, I’m sitting in the junk room in front of the computer, the chores are done, my other half is out, and Norah Jones is singing about being Alive on the colossal beat box my cousin from California got me for my birthday.

I woke at 6:30am this morning, and stared at the ceiling for an hour before getting up.

I’m sipping an instant cappuccino made from a packet that isn’t half bad, and wondering what to write next. Probably a defence of instant coffee would be a good start. I’m pretty sure there’s a very vocal yet tiny minority who own coffee machines that cost more than a family car that only touch coffee beans from a small corner of Africa.

While on the subject of idiots, I saw a wonderful take-down the other day – where an anti-masker was mansplaining about half a million years of evolution not evolving face masks, therefore we shouldn’t wear them. The first comment asked “do you wear shoes?”

If nothing else, the last year has highlighted both how wonderful people can be, and how horrific too. I keep reading that “the world has changed”. Of course it has – just like it does every day, for everybody.

So. I have a week off work. I’m a little giddy at the prospect at the moment – filling my head with all the things I won’t get done. Apart from cutting the grass. If I don’t get the grass cut, I’m fairly certain we could film another sequel to Jumanji in our back garden. For all I know, one of the Jonas brothers really has been living at the end of the garden for the last however many years.

I stepped back into the “interpals” foray one evening last week. It bills itself as a website for finding pen-pals. I thought it might be a good idea to build a bigger circle of online friends for myself, but quickly remembered why I walked away some time ago – within minutes several men and women had messaged me, inviting me to learn about Bitcoin, and a seemingly lovely chinese lady cut me off at “hello” (having not read my profile) because she was “only looking for husband”. I wondered if she was looking for *a* husband, or *her specific* husband… had she lost him? Had he run away? Was he sneaking around doing bitcoin deals behind her back?

I think maybe the best idea is to just write my words in the blog, and see who finds them. The internet is pretty good at connecting the dots between people all on it’s own if you have a little faith in it (and tag the crap out of everything).

Maybe when we finally climb back out of lockdown, I’ll explain my continued absence by leaving a note on the front door – “I have replaced my circle of real-world friends with bitcoin scam robots – they’re surprisingly good listeners”.

8 replies on “Nowhere Quickly”

Hello, internet friend! Soo, have you heard about bitcoin?! In all honesty, I always enjoy stopping by your little corner of the internet. It feels like a casual chat with a good friend… often simple, everyday thoughts or tiny anecdotes sprinkled with humor. Your words feel like a good book or a warm cup of tea–comfort amid the chaos. 🙂

My partner recently offered to help our female friend filter through the riffraff with online dating, and apparently 90% messages receive are simply the assertion, “I have my own place” or “I drive a truck.” Does anyone care?? The world is filled with misguided idiots.

If you like the penpal idea, I once enjoyed a site called Postcrossing, where you can send/receive postcards to/from people across the globe. I haven’t logged on in about 8 years, but I loved it! It might be fun for you kids, too. My sister participated in an academic decathlon on the topic of Soviet Russia in high school and became long-time postcard-buddies with a few Russian citizens. I would send Arizona postcards with images of cacti, local wildlife or state facts, and receive hand-painted images, cartoons of local fables, and pictures of nature or public statues from around the world.

Sorry, this got to be a bit lengthy. Just wanted to share that I’m happy you’re here. Cheers!

Liked by 2 people

My old neighborhood, in Oakland, CA, had more than its fair share od door-to-door interlopers. Most just wanted to sell you stuff (“If I sell enough magazine subscriptions, I can win a scholarship to college.”) But there were a fair number of religious zealots in the mix. If I was lucky, and indoors, I could always just close the door. But some of them felt that a front-yard gardener was fair game for an extended debate. I was ready for them.
My favorite was women–perfectly coiffed, made-up and in their best ‘afternoon tea’ frocks. I’d be there, soiled and sweaty from gardening and they’d press to know whether I’d found peace in the Lord. “Why should I take advice from you?” I’d insist. “You clearly don’t trust in God.”
They’d always be taken aback. “I don’t know why you’d say that!”
“Do you think God makes mistakes?”
“No, of course not!”
“Then why are you painting over God’s work, with that junk on your face?”
“Pardon me?”
“Make-up, woman. You think you need to improve on God’s work? Why? Did he make a mistake on your face?”
Needless to say, the conversations didn’t go much farther. I can out-crazy just about anyone. And they’d quickly take their leave, so I could get back to the task at hand. I made sport of it, and apparently, still do.
So you’re looking for a new internet community? Can I interest you in some Bitecoins?

Liked by 1 person

I will admit to a perverse fascination with the religious door-to-door people. Perhaps I fantasise about the opening scenes from Dogma, where Loki turns several nuns away from religion at an airport – just for fun.

Liked by 1 person

a) I keep trying with instant coffee (well, very occasionally) but it’s really just not do-able…. I replaced our capsule machine with a retro looking proper coffee machine and it just makes a very good coffee… and my $3.00 Ikea milk frother does a very good job too.
b) What the actual BEEEEP is Bitcoin? My partner keeps explaining and I nod and smile and am still no closer to understanding it.
c) Happy to play the role of “pen pal” if you need one from Down Under. I used to have a British pen pal called Michael when I was in primary school. I think I have his letters in a box in the garage somewhere. Do you know him?

Liked by 1 person

Bitcoin is a ridiculous experiment in the invention of made-up money. The real value is in the system that tracks the transactions. I won’t explain it – there are enough mansplainers in the world already 🙂

Liked by 1 person

Pen pals. I remember having a real one… actually putting pen to paper, gasp!…. when I was young. Since I lived on the east coast of Maine and he lived on the west coast of California it all seemed very exotic. But when you come right down to it, that’s what blogging is. Digital pen pals.

Liked by 1 person

Completely agree. Bloggers (or at least, those of us that write journals online) are a modern version of penpals. I guess the posts become a newsletter of sorts 🙂


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